"Hungry, I come to You for I know You satisfy..."

When people ask me how I'm doing lately, I respond that I'm working, trying to get back into working out regularly (never take a break from that, y'all, because it's hard to get back into it), and planning to move to L.A. by the new year. If they ask why, I launch into my dream (ever since I was 11) to be a working actor. There's a lot of reasons why I never pursued it, but the most important one being a sucky reason; not trusting God enough to make it happen.

It's interesting. I'm pursuing acting opportunities in the area now through my church. I've been invited to audition for upcoming ongoing productions. I think there's a Christmas play too. Yes, audition. They're serious. They audition for the choirs, praise teams, and the orchestras too. If you can't make it, then maybe you can serve in another ministry. See, I thought that I had to get refresher experience, then audition. I was holding myself back because I was scared. Yes, I'm scared. There, I said it. However, not having a spirit of fear, but of power and a sound mind, I move forward. Like Georgia O'Keefe said, "I've been absolutely terrified every single moment of my life, but that has never stopped me from doing anything I've ever wanted to do." It's not that bad, but you get the point.

I've even asked others for advice in this area. I asked an actress on a television show for her opinion and she gave it, but also told me that if my heart is set on moving to L.A., then do it. I asked another friend and I'm awaiting his response, but for all the "asking" I'm doing, is it worth asking? I keep hearing and seeing God saying, "But what did I tell you to do?" Sometimes the people you love the most will subconsciously try to hold you back. For instance, my dad asked me if I had three years of savings saved up before I moved out there. Um, okay. Not six months. Not a year. THREE years. I know he loves me, but that was blatantly trying to hold me back through fear. It made me laugh.

It's like this (this thought came to me last week), if God places a dream in your heart, and you can see through the dream to see how you can be a blessing to Him and others because of it, it's not up to us to decide how it will be accomplished. He'll work that out. It's just up for us to be in the place where He can bless us. So, if He's standing to the right of where you're standing, guess who has to move to the right?

I'll try to make this the last time I "talk" about this. When I'm "doing it," it'll be a much more exciting blog. So, I continue to work, work out, look for apartments in L.A. and jobs in L.A.

California Love (and Dreamin', and Plannin')

Well, my third trip to California was as eventful and fun as normal. This was my second time in Southern California. Every time I'm out there, I say, "I could really live here. I don't want to get back on the plane. I should stay out here. I should LIVE here!"

Well, I thought about it. I thought I had wanted to move to L.A. since 2001, but my cousin Angie reminded me that it's been since 1996 or 1997 when I was looking at colleges (Hello, La Mirada, CA) that I wanted to move out there. I didn't apply there because my parents said no. Virginia Union worked out well in the end anyway. But still, what's the deal with not moving out there?

Fear. Laziness. Whatever you want to call it. Well, after this trip (now that the excitement is dying down and I can think clearly), I've come to realize that if I want it, I need to go for it. I need to get a job and have savings and just go. If God wills with life, health, and strength, just do it, right?

In my small group/Bible study/social guys group, we're studying Esther. One thing that keeps popping up in my mind from her story is "Just Do It!" She was facing possible death, but went to the king to risk her life for the lives of her people. She broke tradition and just did it, even though her voice shook (I'm sure) and she might have been quaking. Just do it.

I've discovered in my late twenties that I'm finally feeling like I'm coming into my own. I'm doing, saying, and experiencing things that I'm grateful to experience. I'm growing up, so to speak. Who I was last year is not who I am this year. I pray that it continues to improve.

So, thanks to everyone (including everyone I met) who made the trip a wonderful event, successful, fun, and exciting. Most thanks to Kareem and Ben for showing me L.A. in "style." :-)
Well, nothing left to do but do it to it, right?

So, like Esther, I have to try it. If I perish, I perish. (I pray that I won't though.) Hey, God places dreams in our hearts for a reason. It's not to just sit there and wonder "what if...?", either.

I'm taking the first step...